i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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