I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
