Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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