This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
