Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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