hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
