I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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