Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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