the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
