we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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