I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
