Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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