Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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