Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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