i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
