I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
