6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Life is so much better after having sex.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
