Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
