She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
