I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
