can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
