Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
