Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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