Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
