I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
