Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
