Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
