I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
