Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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