I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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