I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
