alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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