I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
