just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
