guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
