Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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