either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I supernannyed him into submission
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
