Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
