dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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