Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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