Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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