i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
