Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
