so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
