The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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