I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
