Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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