i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
