i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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