Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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