4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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