this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
