im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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