I'm going to jail i love you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
