i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
