i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
