she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
